Lard



I haven't been able to post much lately due to work (out of the office in my car all day) and also because I've been hiding under my bed and crying since finding out that I am now taking XXL clothing at Marks and Spencer. It really is quite depressing being told by a clothes label - "jeesus! You must be one fat f**cker! "


The thing is - I'm not! I'm not fat at all. But these days I can hardly find anything on the high street that fits me. It took a while around my 30's to come to terms with the fact that I can no longer buy clothes in Topman, and now at age 31 I've been reduced to foregoing fashion altogether and buying my sweaters in M&S. Soon I'll be wearing one of those huge grey dress-like t-shirts and shorts and undulating along the road like a wet lump of clay on a potter's wheel.

Although.... for some reason, my size has remained the same in expensive designer clothing...Which leads me to construct a conspiracy theory that states that clothes sizes are becoming progessively smaller now that all our clothing is manufactured in china and the far east, where the tiny factory workers can't comprehend the bloated size of us western infidels. Designer clothes made in europe seem to have not been affected by this oriental miniturisation. Am I the only one that this affects - or are others noticing this? Or is it simply a case of just coming to terms with the fact that I may be softening and spreading like an over-ripe brie?



7 comments:

Gaw said...

I think you're on to something, Worm. Avoid Uniqlo at all costs, unless the too-much-meat-in-the-sausage-skin look works for you. Even after becoming painfully emaciated from not eating much during the weeks I was in hospital I still need to wear an XL in Uniqlo jumpers to have room to move.

It is quite interesting though how high street fashion is giving you up before you give it up. Perhaps it's doing you a favour?

worm said...

It was my dream to wear skin tight jeans, pointy shoes and fluorescent t-shirts well into middle age, but I have been cruelly denied. The cravat beckons

Philip Green and your tiny asian haberdashers, I curse thee!!!

Brit said...

Big Boned Bloggers unite!

I know your pain. I mostly wear L but fear the 'too much meat' look is going to force me to switch to XL.

It's partly the flab of course but mostly the sheer bulk. God I used to be skinny but I'm gradually turned into my father, who is built like the proverbial brick shithouse.

The gutting thing is I do like clothes, especially the slimline suity mod look. Alas, never going to work.

We need to enlist Gok Wan or some other effete personality to advise us.

worm said...

I dont think even Aunty Gok can save me now!

what do young professional rugby players do about fashionably dressing themselves?

Gaw said...

How about the Phil Vickery label Raging Bull? High and Mighty stock it. Go on, I dare you.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I've noticed that the high street shops only stock trousers with greater than 34-inch waistbands for people with 27-inch inside legs. Those of us who are taller end up walking round like Karloff auditioning for 'Frankenstein.'

worm said...

haha thats so true kevin - when did they think that only short people have a wider waist?
The conspiracy deepens...

I checked out the raging bull stuff Gaw - its all a bit 'blokey' for me!